Today, I read in the newspaper that the Amul girl is in
trouble. She commented something on the “Besahara Parivar” which didn’t go well
with the Sahara group. May be with nothing better to do, I am keenly following
politics these days. Anyways election is on the forefront in the news these
days, much more than even IPL. So with politics, as a side dish you may say, I
have started following the scams too, especially after the last two episodes of
this season of Satyamev Jayate. Or may be, since I am in Kolkata, I am turning
poltical – there is something in the soil and air of this city which won’t let
you be disinterested in politics, films, cultural events – everything an
intellectual race is supposed to delve into. But then, whereas the other things
add to the quality of your life, politics is something that leaves a strong,
pungent and bitter aftertaste. To me, primarily, it proves all the more that
either there is no God, or He is blind to evil and terribly partial with
wrongdoers. The worst thing is that there is nobody you can trust. Incumbents
and opponents all alike, all they indulge in is selfish malpractice. I read
about this Sardha group’s Sudipta Sen’s son, the way he used to throw away
money for his daily recreation and entertainment (in the estimation of the
newspaper, it was close to 1 lakh INR per day). If in such a poor country you
don’t feel guilty doing that, then whatever else you are, you are obviously not
humane. And what do you gain at length? Some 80 odd years of a lavish life? Is that all you sell your soul for? I
really feel at times that it is a good thing that I don’t have a lot of money.
Greed is something that kills your conscience first of all. And once you can’t
tell good from bad, you are a puppet in devil’s hand.
Like Boo. I am sure he has lost the last vestiges of his
conscience. I happened to login to Linkedin after a long time and saw a photo
of his, where he lacks the natural smile that’d light up his face. Moreover,
rarely that I login to FB, because once upon a time we had a substantial amount
of interaction there, FB would still show his entries on my news feed. So there
I saw a feeble comment from him, asking Yuvraj Singh to get out on the day of
the 20 20 world cup final. Well, I am afraid, anybody who understands the
sports called cricket, would never criticise Yuvi for the fiasco on that day. Why,
he is a survivor in every sense of the term. Even when my mom would criticise
him, I’d patiently explain to her, what it takes to survive the challenges Yuvi
has done. Only a weakling would give up on such a strong person. People who
threw stones at his house are not people who love the game of cricket, they are
fanatics about the emotion called cricket that is being marketed as the only
saving grace for India, as if, we Indians can’t show our mettle in anything
else. Well, there is nothing wrong in being a little bit upset for what
happened, to quote yet another Amul ad that I saw while commuting, the Amul
girl asks, “where is the Yu Vi knew”…such puns are ok, but asking someone to
get out, as if he was purposely blocking the score card, looked nothing short
of heinous crime to me. I, as a keen follower of the game of cricket, in fact
quite liked the poetic justice in Sri Lanka’s win, they wanted to venerate
their senior players on the verge of retirement with this trophy, in such
cases, another kind of josh factor works, which can be quite divine in nature.
However Boo and his ways doesn’t exasperate me anymore, when Yuvi hit the 50 in
the last IPL match, I really wanted to post praises on him on FB, but then I
checked myself. I thought, writing this article in my blog would be a more
fitting tribute, both to my belief in his strength, talent and perseverance,
and in my expression of utter hatred for the man I once loved. I really really
regret the fact that I wasted my time on such a non entity.
May be I have such hateful thoughts only during the times of
personal crisis. Because, trust me, I have learnt to be indifferent most of the
times. It is one thing to combat the hurdles that come your way in life’s
battles, and to accept the defeats as your misfortune. It is another thing when
you don’t have a clue about how to fight. Way it is now. Once again, after a
gap of 2-3 months, my periods are late. Every time my periods don’t come on
time, it is a strange feeling. May be this is the end of it all. For a girl
like me who hardly has any chance of getting married, menopause shouldn’t sound
scary. But still it does cause some panic, may be because there would be no
option left, to dream about a regular life. I tell myself that I am being
paranoid. It is the quirky heat of Kolkata that is doing this to you. And last
time it was your sudden change in routine, from office everyday to rest
forever. For nobody has it this early, c’mon girl, you are just 34. But then it
is not the fear factor that troubles me, it is the fact that somewhere in the
core of my heart, I still seek happiness, in a form that might never be
available to me. Why can’t I remain aloof, why can’t I give up? I have no
answer to my questions.
Apart from this, life is a mixed journey as usual. The heat
is overbearing but the simple lunch we had on Bengali new year’s day was awesome
(it is a tradition in fact, we used to be landlords once upon a time, i.e. my
granddad – dad’s dad was a so called “জমিদার ” in erstwhile East Bengal – so on
new year’s day it was customary to sit with the village folks and have their
lunch – boiled rice soaked in water, what is known as পান্তাভাত , spiced up
with salt, chilli and lime, with fried fish, vegetables and fried balls of lentil and coconut as a side dish - mind you those days fish used to come real cheap in Bengal). Then again, today I had
this huge fight with dad, it is his way to taunt me at times, and he calls it
humor. He particularly likes to point out about my lack of tact in telling
things to people. See, when I am a transparent person, I don’t need to hide
anything from anyone, this is what he fails to understand. So, today I ventured
to give him a piece of my mind, which hurt him a lot. I wonder if I am good
girl? Is compromise so necessary to be called good? At times I really feel I’d
be happy if life would wrap up – I have had enough of it. In this world where
nobody keeps up to their commitment, everyone is in a routine “let me please
you and you make sure you serve my needs” or "why should I do your bidding, you are not strong enough to harm me" or better still “you better please me
or else forget about your well being” mode, there is no respite for an upright
soul like me. I feel stifled.
There was an interview day before yesterday, regarding
employment in a middle east country. It went quite well too. I am wondering whether
I should go for it if I am selected. I just want to live alone for a while…and
sort out things.
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