It gets too difficult when you know someone too well. And forget about someone else, let us talk about myself. I am too tired, scared and cold...in fact, I can't take this anymore, this constant vulnerability, hugging myself and sitting in the corner of the bed...shivering with fear and apprehensions. Oh how many suicidal moments have I faced since January? Just how many? And it will all end up in an instant? My hopes, my faith, these things don't matter at all, is it?
It is so so difficult to love someone and hold him responsible for your broken faith. This man is my best friend. Is he really going to break me in this way? The questions don't get answered. Even God doesn't show light.
That day near Aranya returns to me. He with all his faith and trust, telling me about that doctor lady whom he was going to see the following week. And my sudden realization, that I love this person. I can't let him marry someone else. But from that day, haven't we moved on to a great extent? Oh why on earth did he have to love me back? And now why does he deny? Is it fair to torture your loved one to this extent? I don't know how I'd have taken it that time, but over the last year and a half, things have drastically changed. I won't be able to take it now. If he gets married to some other girl, that will be the end of me. I can see...may be I will live, but I can see myself right now...how I will be living. Like a complete vegetable. If he crushes my faith in this brutal a way, then there is no other way left for me.
I don't know...these words from him scared me to hell. One interpretation makes my life, the other breaks me forever...
me: it is not that...u wl listen to me for 1 min?
I know...it doesn't matter to u....
he: see.. now..a days.. i am not listening to my wife only..
me: boo...
he: ohh...
me: can u...stop hurting me once in while?
he: but .. that was true.. ok forget
I know it will all be over in few more days. After that I leave for my home town. If this is to happen, I can wither away with some dignity I guess. Still, I am writing this in the middle of the night. It has really shaken me...
It is so so difficult to love someone and hold him responsible for your broken faith. This man is my best friend. Is he really going to break me in this way? The questions don't get answered. Even God doesn't show light.
That day near Aranya returns to me. He with all his faith and trust, telling me about that doctor lady whom he was going to see the following week. And my sudden realization, that I love this person. I can't let him marry someone else. But from that day, haven't we moved on to a great extent? Oh why on earth did he have to love me back? And now why does he deny? Is it fair to torture your loved one to this extent? I don't know how I'd have taken it that time, but over the last year and a half, things have drastically changed. I won't be able to take it now. If he gets married to some other girl, that will be the end of me. I can see...may be I will live, but I can see myself right now...how I will be living. Like a complete vegetable. If he crushes my faith in this brutal a way, then there is no other way left for me.
I don't know...these words from him scared me to hell. One interpretation makes my life, the other breaks me forever...
me: it is not that...u wl listen to me for 1 min?
I know...it doesn't matter to u....
he: see.. now..a days.. i am not listening to my wife only..
me: boo...
he: ohh...
me: can u...stop hurting me once in while?
he: but .. that was true.. ok forget
I know it will all be over in few more days. After that I leave for my home town. If this is to happen, I can wither away with some dignity I guess. Still, I am writing this in the middle of the night. It has really shaken me...
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