I am still hyper excited. There's only so much one can take in on a single day. Got up in the morning, went to show dad's reports to the doctor, well everything's ok there, but they made us wait almost 3 hours at the hospital. As if a common man's time doesn't have any value. Reached office late, but that's one bonus of my current job, such deviations are excused. But still, office was particularly strenuous today. I felt very lost. What I am doing here. Do I really need to become a clerk just for the sake of staying with my parents? They are taking so much of an advantage, just because I need work to survive.
Returned home tired, the only relaxation these days is playing with the puppies. Yes, there's a new one, Nikhu's making lots of lady friends :) It is such a bliss...amid everything else that looks negative. Was about to retire, when the pair came running again. I again went downstairs to give them a biscuit each, and wished them goodnight.
Came back upstairs and was just relaxing, when I heard the growl of a truck. A house is being constructed in a nearby place (two plots away from us). They are blocking the road and creating a lot of trouble anyways. Every other day they'd stealthily creep in a truckload of stone chips or sand at midnight, tear up electric cables and unload in the middle of the road. And I tend to get paranoid about the dogs. It's dozing time for them, and it is their playground which these rascals are encroaching. And I get afraid about accidents. As it is I have seen so many of them dying suddenly...I keep praying to God all the time. So hearing the noise I just peeped out of the window to check on the kids, and hello, this time they chose to drop the sand right in front of my house! And I suddenly lost all my patience. I thundered at the crooks at the top of my voice. They kind of got scared and apologized. I don't care much about their apology anyways, but I just hope that they stick to their word and remove the sand tomorrow early morning. Because if my car is blocked, there will be another showdown. Neither my parents nor people at my locality could ever imagine me shouting to this extent. I myself didn't know what I am capable of, if provoked. There's no point tolerating silently, right?
Still worried about my puppies. They know that these innocent beings are very precious to me. I hope they don't cause them any pain just to get even with me, because I protested. There is utter lawlessness spreading across the world and taking it in its grip. In fact lawlessness is the new law...
Had a pretty comforting discussion with Hemant about getting some alternative job. I am not going to compromise in life. And perhaps only so much of holiday was allowed for me?
I feel tired now. And lonely. Why did he have to fight with me? I think he's the only person whom I could have shared with anyone, even his wife, and could have accepted in any form of relationship. Even "just friends"...So long as I'd have him beside me when I shouted. Knowing very well that these are goons who can cause harm, if he was there I wouldn't have been so afraid in my heart. He is my support system in a way nobody else is or can be. He is still the only person who knows me inside out. My vulnerabilities, my tendency to struggle and protest and hurt myself for the sake of justice. But he gave up on me too soon. I didn't pay heed to his advice, but neither did I give his pedestal to anyone else. He just washed his hands off his best friend. I keep turning these things in my mind, I know the thoughts are fruitless, and the situation beyond mending, nor can I reach out to the person with whom I once had no pretensions - অভিমান you know, such an incurable and insufferable feeling :)
Hi wife of best friend, are you still with him? Don't worry, I shall not break your marriage. I am not that kind of a girl, and you know how honorable your husband is. But can you allow him to be the friend he was to me 15 years back? May be that way I can just survive this depression? Just barely make my life a bit livable?
I must sleep. I am losing it perhaps... :)
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