For two days now, all I am doing is to think...think and think...I keep on thinking...can't stop...but the thoughts are so so disorganized that let alone putting them in words, I can't understand them too well myself...
I tried to write in the morning...failed miserably...I am trying to write now...every now and then my mind will divert, wrote mail to Boo...wrote mail to bhai...now planning to cook boneless chicken with mayonnaise sauce, I will do everything but I won't write...
...Well...planned to cook gravy and eat it with rice, but then ended up making risotto...it turned out to be delicious...(disclaimer: I am a big fan of my cooking, partiality is not ruled out).
See the matter can be stated in 1 line also...the topic of my thought process is...what happens to me in the future. Now starts the fun. Life is so unsure at the moment, that I don't know how to progress on this thought. What happens if I stay on in Prague, remote though the possibility is. Well, if I accept it...this is the best possible life. I work, I earn, I cook, I eat, I sleep. Since I have to go out everyday, at least every week day, I try to keep myself well groomed and presentable. I don't turn into a vegetable. I am with myself, and reasonably happy.
Yes this seems a good option till the time I don't yearn for company. How long can I continue to cook and eat all by myself? I jokingly tell myself, good na? Your family members won't complain about your cooking. But at times you crave for this complain only.
I go back to India...then? What happens to me? Do I continue with the same job? Do I have a job at all? Would I be able to complete 9 years of work experience, let alone 10? Even most insignificant achievements elude me...and I have learnt it the hard way...
So what happens to me? Do I continue to stay in Bangalore, or finally get a chance to stay in Kolkata. How will life be in Kolkata? Will I be able to cope up? Do I go to some new city, try to find a life there? Will the fear and uncertainty go then?
You will wonder, why I am not speaking about love and marriage. Love, what love? How long will it stay? Has it ever stayed? And marriage is not on the cards. I don't know, I don't know....if I'd just bend down a little I'd have it all, but I want it my way...and that will never happen. As I said, the thought process never ends...just makes me more and more tired....
I tried to write in the morning...failed miserably...I am trying to write now...every now and then my mind will divert, wrote mail to Boo...wrote mail to bhai...now planning to cook boneless chicken with mayonnaise sauce, I will do everything but I won't write...
...Well...planned to cook gravy and eat it with rice, but then ended up making risotto...it turned out to be delicious...(disclaimer: I am a big fan of my cooking, partiality is not ruled out).
See the matter can be stated in 1 line also...the topic of my thought process is...what happens to me in the future. Now starts the fun. Life is so unsure at the moment, that I don't know how to progress on this thought. What happens if I stay on in Prague, remote though the possibility is. Well, if I accept it...this is the best possible life. I work, I earn, I cook, I eat, I sleep. Since I have to go out everyday, at least every week day, I try to keep myself well groomed and presentable. I don't turn into a vegetable. I am with myself, and reasonably happy.
Yes this seems a good option till the time I don't yearn for company. How long can I continue to cook and eat all by myself? I jokingly tell myself, good na? Your family members won't complain about your cooking. But at times you crave for this complain only.
I go back to India...then? What happens to me? Do I continue with the same job? Do I have a job at all? Would I be able to complete 9 years of work experience, let alone 10? Even most insignificant achievements elude me...and I have learnt it the hard way...
So what happens to me? Do I continue to stay in Bangalore, or finally get a chance to stay in Kolkata. How will life be in Kolkata? Will I be able to cope up? Do I go to some new city, try to find a life there? Will the fear and uncertainty go then?
You will wonder, why I am not speaking about love and marriage. Love, what love? How long will it stay? Has it ever stayed? And marriage is not on the cards. I don't know, I don't know....if I'd just bend down a little I'd have it all, but I want it my way...and that will never happen. As I said, the thought process never ends...just makes me more and more tired....
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