I feel lonely. Amidst my usual existence, small problems in life...I don't feel his presence anymore. I don't feel I have that friend whom I can count on. He seems to be too much preoccupied, too much reluctant to care for me. I am not upset though. I am not afraid of my solitary existence. I still cook amazing chicken. Cooking, eating, washing clothes and cleaning utensils take up a big chunk of my time. I have brought along a couple of interesting novels...reading then is good past time too. Besides I have work. Work, about which I don't feel all that confident though, but you have to keep trying. Rabi Thakur bole gachhen...du bela morar aage morbo na bhai morbo na...ami bhoy korbo na...so I keep trying. I don't fear the worst. In fact, tell me, what can be worst in a life full of negative things. Anyways I don't have a future. Anyways, today, I don't know if I shall live 2 more months, let alone another year. So what is the big deal?
I know I have become a little fake. My smile looks fake...my intentions look fake. I am not as serious about work as I used to be. Only reason is...I very well know how much I am eroded from within. I can't just yet show it to the world. So I have to resort to this falsehood. And me being the perfect Sagittarian...though the internal pain is camouflaged, that I am acting becomes obvious. People see more hidden intention behind the act. When is the end of this journey I don't know. Neither do I care. I know what is in store for me. A big NOTHING. So I am not worried.
Eyebrows are always a problem in Europe. I never shaped my eyebrows before 2009 November. They naturally had good shape. Problem is...now that I have done, and since I have this Poirot like habit of things being prim and proper, I start fretting as soon as stay hairs would threat my eyebrow shape. And I don't know a place where they'd thread here. Waxing or tweezers, none seem a good enough option. My poor eyebrows, I hate to look at my face. Most of the negativity you read in the first two paragraphs, rose from the eyebrows. I wish I had some homemade solution.
From day after tomorrow the new workshops start. I am irritated to say the least. I am not well prepared. I am scared. I feel lonely. Back to square one :)
I know I have become a little fake. My smile looks fake...my intentions look fake. I am not as serious about work as I used to be. Only reason is...I very well know how much I am eroded from within. I can't just yet show it to the world. So I have to resort to this falsehood. And me being the perfect Sagittarian...though the internal pain is camouflaged, that I am acting becomes obvious. People see more hidden intention behind the act. When is the end of this journey I don't know. Neither do I care. I know what is in store for me. A big NOTHING. So I am not worried.
Eyebrows are always a problem in Europe. I never shaped my eyebrows before 2009 November. They naturally had good shape. Problem is...now that I have done, and since I have this Poirot like habit of things being prim and proper, I start fretting as soon as stay hairs would threat my eyebrow shape. And I don't know a place where they'd thread here. Waxing or tweezers, none seem a good enough option. My poor eyebrows, I hate to look at my face. Most of the negativity you read in the first two paragraphs, rose from the eyebrows. I wish I had some homemade solution.
From day after tomorrow the new workshops start. I am irritated to say the least. I am not well prepared. I am scared. I feel lonely. Back to square one :)
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