Discovering you

What I loved about you...and what kept me awake...say till 3:30 in the night...on the very first day of acquaintance (do we call in acquaintance…assuming you don’t even know me?)

You read
You write
…

ROTFL writing till now…just imagine…you must be awe struck by now with your talents…WOW man, I read…and I write as well…WOW really WOW…wonder how many persons on earth have actually learnt to do that J J

Ok the caustic remarks accepted…I just loved the fact all the same. Frankly speaking you are an extinct species. Haven’t found your type among my usual friends. Well, Avik-da for one…is different, but if you understand me, he is very different kind of different. And don’t tell me that I don’t know many people. Studying human mind is my favorite past time, you know. In general, and in my arena of work…men don’t read (how to put this in a better way I don’t know…they do read, but I don’t find in them that particular depth of thought, pondering over a particular work for days…you know…very rare – to rephrase this is what I love to do – and I found the exact trait in you)

Same about your writing. It’s something like a transferred epithet in a remote sense. Because I do it, I liked you doing it. Frankly speaking in my life, I have been a very lazy girl, doing little else than reading, writing, a little bit of music, lots of movies…an introvert kind of life you may say…I do not socialize much, I do not travel a lot(but like travelling)…I have my own world. Well, what appears till now is that you are definitely not introvert, but at the same time…you seem to be so much like me. Somehow you touched a chord…somewhere.

Another 1st June

Started feeling pensive from a few days earlier. Andy's birthday used to be a happening event every year. In a way Andy was my kid... giving him gifts and seeing him happy was such a pleasure. Difficult to accept that this 1st June I won't even be entitled to wish him.
Day went ok types...ordeal that office these days is. What with the new underpass construction near my place...traffic gets diverted and it results in a 15 min longer walk. So there I was...in the last lap of my walk...just one more turn to go...and home noisy home (due to the repulsive oriya/santhal neighbors who keep blabbering in a strange dialect and in terribly loud and non-musical voices - I hate them and wanna drop all six bullets from my non existent revolver into their head) - when I found a whitish doggy trying to cross the road. At the same time got the same multitude of emotions I usually get whenever I witness this event...be careful...is it really necessary?...please don't die...dear sweet doggy do please take care....I kept whispering all these stupid stuff to myself...and...OH MY GOD...doggy was crossing...rash driving Indica was approaching...I was looking from behind...doggy and Indica intersected...Indica didn't stop...doggy went inside it...I literally saw him going inside...and wanted to shut my eyes...NO NO NO...can't see a doggy dying on Andy's birthday...NO PLEASE NO...and then...a loud bark...doggy came out unscathed...from under the Indica...couple of more barks...and vanished in the road...abandoning his idea of crossing the road.

I was literally exhilerated. In my happiness I did two things. First went to the parlor to thread my eyebrows. Second, went home and played my keyboard. After such a long time...gave quite a competition to my neighbors in noise though... :D :D

Cinema and me...

Well there are movies that directors make…when they seem to at their very best. Bombay was one such movie by Mani, Maqbool was one such movie by Vishal. Someone spoke about identifying with the movies…I don’t know for how many people it is possible to actually identify with the storyline of either Bombay or Maqbool. The fact why we still like these movies are – the mesmerism they created.

I have watched Bombay only once…on a certain lazy February afternoon when I happened to be at home due to down pouring rain. I never cared to relive the watching for I never wanted even a single moment of that experience to be altered. Bombay is…a dream, an enigma…a truth saying that love surpasses everything on earth.

I have watched Maqbool only once…from 2-5 of a Saturday midnight with pin drop silence…and pinching loneliness. I cannot bear to relive the horror, the fact that hatred and selfishness are the most destructive factors in human nature, yet we commit them and defend ourselves.

Yet every single scene of both the movies are etched forever in my mind.


The Bombay riot was fun for the 12 year old child – who got an opportunity to go and play with her father and kid brother in the local park every day for a week. 3 years later the Bombay movie was a revelation about meaninglessness of human identity crisis and the strength of humanity that survives even the worst form of madness. The first read of Macbeth was at best having an effect of a scary fairy tale on the same kid, at the age of 11. Maqbool, 15 years later – presented to her an all new dimension of human animosity.

So not getting into the debate about if Mani is a genius director, or Vishal – it’s certain movies that haunt you, inspire you and live with you for the rest of your life. If you have read The Last Leaf by O Henry, everyone has a masterpiece, let’s not argue about that triumph which every human achieves at least once in a life time.

Do you love someone without knowing that yourself?

I stayed up yesterday for a particular reason. Which is not difficult to guess. But ofcourse the staying up didn't yield its expected results. And trust me, that made me miserable. So I kept wondering as I suffered. And kept reading Doctors. Over and again. I had almost made up my mind to give this book to him and not "The Piano Teacher". This was the first book I had discussed with him. But why do I remember this now? Only because he had used the word "platonic"? I should recover from this desperation, as the fact remains that, having used the same word, though even Barney and Laura never knew their mind, they were something more to each other always. Not a single instance when they happened to hurt each other or had ego battles. Same was the story in "socha na ttha". They used to keep each other happy, never quarrel and never misunderstand. Now if I sit and think, I don't have a single friend about whom I think that way. I am bitching behind every one's back. Some or the other action/intention of everyone of my friends has caused me bitterness. No one is perfect, and perhaps I am a bit too critical. But one thing I can assure you, surest way to know if you really love someone, even against your knowledge, is when you mutually make each other happy. At least don't add to each other's already existing troubles.

The Microsoft magic...the rain...the ride home...

Ha ha...it made me dream. After a long long time. Some kind of romantic dream. As if...I'd get a job with them. As if as a result of that, I'll happen to meet a Barney Livingston working overnight...and returning home...tired after a night's work, only to find me as his new neighbor, and be charmed by my kajal stained eyes. Like Anand would have said, Pupu Ray you are enormously impossible...
Going back to Barney Livingston, don't think he would have approved if his Laura Castellano made her colleague post an alliance mail on the BB on her behalf, that too decreasing her age by 1 year. WOW. Such treachery Castellano...he'd have said. Was I dead or what? And what happened to your self confidence??? He'd have mocked. But as the situation stands, I am a loner. May be had a Barrney once, but can't even remember him now. Let alone look forward to what he'd have said.
Then again, I was outdoors and not in my gloomy 3rd floor cubicle, when the storm started. Leaves were fluttering. The wind becoming more whimsical...the sky darkening...and then it rained. Rained like before. And the bus took the flyover. After a long long time...time during which even the last few things went wrong. I listened to Shubha Mudgal's bold voice singing Laga Chunari Mein Daag...almost chanting about me to myself....as the bus sped...the cold wind stung...the wheels made a fountain out of the water that had accumulated in the road...and I rediscovered life. This is the Bangalore I love. Where I can stay alone, in my own small flat, even if nothing good happens in my life. And yes, be contented with life and not complain. Something I can never achieve in Kolkata.
Is that what they call vibes...good vibes :) :)

Why people argue?

Following BB seems to have become my favorite past time these days. And I was happy to notice somebody cared to mentioned the death of hapless stray dogs in Hosur Road under speeding vehicles. And then people began to put out their venom. They even didn't falter when they said that stray dogs should be killed. Why? because sometime ago one of them or may be a group of them was responsible for killing a kid? So what should have happened to us human race? The proud and learned human race? Forget about the occasional murderer or the serial killer, there was someone called Hitler right? Who planned to obliterate an entire religious sect? So what should be the outcome of that? Demolish the existence of the entire mankind?

They don't know what is the importance of life. How easily you can lose everything. If pet dogs can have a life, then even the ugliest, unluckiest stray dog deserves it. For God's sake try and understand life before commenting. If you are living in a palace, I am living in a rented house, then even the man who can't afford a 10 rupees meal at the end of day, does deserve to at least sleep on the road with an empty stomach. No bustard's son has the right to run him over with his car in a drunken state. And no bustard's son deserves to kill even a single stray dog. They might be scavenging in the dustbins...might be licking up from drains to quench their thirst, but they still should be left alone to live their wretched life. For the sole purpose of life is to respect this divine gift....life....something you cannot give, only God can. So don't even dare to speak about taking it away.

I love doggies. They are the sweetest animals on earth.

There must be at least some one who loves a walk in the clouds as much as I do...

Well, June 7, is it? that too 2008...its 2nd Feb 2010. Long time...but I don't change with time...I am me...the evergreen...ever romantic girl. But tell me something...if I am so well read and all, how come some one still surprises me with some name of some novel....well if not novel then philosophical writing...but something which I haven't even heard? Well...over that the wiki maniac that I am...even wiki couldn't help me. Well...as it goes...I won't rest before I have read the books. But tell you something...reason I visited your profile....3 reasons...because all these days I have tried to dream this impossible dream about you...and somehow while doing that I kind of relived my school days...so today I thought..what's the harm in at least seeing how he looks and what he thinks...2nd reason...ha ha...do you remember one day we had met in the library? Even I didn't remember...but it suddenly came back to me...it seems on your saying only I got Narayan Sanyal's Biswasghatak...well there was a 3rd reason too...but don't quite remember it...but your eyes are bright...and piercing...the eyes only show how much life you have...so no point looking at you with my dead eyes...so long then....