An open letter...

Yes I also need time. And I also take time to open up and unwind. So I have taken a month's time.

I am not angry right now. For somehow all these incidents have given me a kind of crystal clear insight into everyone's mind. The most predominant trait on this earth is a tendency to blame, and to pass on the baton. No sir, not me. It is not my responsibility.

My so called lover (whom I never called my lover, thinking he will get disturbed if I say this before he makes up his mind) never really thought that if not 100% then 50% of the responsibility of this relationship lies with him. My friend in office, who has always always been convincing me about him at the worst of times, when I was on the verge of losing faith in him and moving on, said today,

1. It is my fault that I trusted him without reason.

2. I should have been more patient with him.

3. I shouldn't have spied on him and been too choking on him

Dear friend, if you are reading this,

1. My trust was based on my basic faith in humanity and truth. 

2. He'd have left anyways, responsibility is not initiated by patience.

3. I have never ever spied on anyone else in my life, except him and my brother. Both were too much held up with a single relationship of past and had stopped living. If intent and not action is important, then my intent was only to understand them better so that I am able to help them more. My brother, thankfully hasn't used an antidote to the poison, I unknowingly acted as the antidote to my lover. And yes, to me, action is equally important, and so I owned up to both of them. And as for choking him, yes I choked him, because he needed choking love to be able to live again. He demanded it from me, and I kept giving it. That was the antidote.

And sweetheart, if you are reading this,

1. I still call you Boo Boo. I never told you, apart from your eyes and the smell of your hair, I love your name equally as much. And I am still an idiot. I still love you.

2. I have been on the receiving end of blows for the last one month. I won't give anything back. Only thing I'd tell is, apart from me, if anyone else knows the full truth, it is you. And it is you who has decided that I should face this situation, that too alone. My friends lash out at me. Your friends come and celebrate with me as if it is my joy as well. I have to take both silently. For your sake.

And my dear God, if you are listening,

1. If this is the way you want to run your world, devoid of logic and reason, only duty and no desire, FINE. Who can deny you. Only you become a God with a 'y', not a 'Y'. Only God you are, no more my friend. Yes I am a bad girl. I am proud to be a bad girl. I don't accept your dictat.