Valentine's day brought you back. An inconsequential chat with an old friend (you remember - isi mahine ke 26 ko - the girl who joined our team on 26th Nov) - she pinged just like that to inquire if I happen to know any Marathi groom from 32-35, for a friend of hers. Well you see, I didn't take it too lightly, when someone wants to match make I always try to help...I know how difficult staying lonely is...
So I said...I'll look...and pinged a couple of friends asking for information...and then small talk continued....
Small talk incorporates a lot of lying.
She: So...how's life?
Me: Going on...
She: You were thinking of moving to Kolkata? Found anything?
Me: Din't look re...I am rather comfortable in my current job - since it is a small place, there's a lot of appreciation
She: Ohh anyone would appreciate you..."T" did...
Me: Leave "T" - he was more a friend than a boss, so his appreciation doesn't count...
...said it coolly enough...but then myriads of pictures came back...जग बिस्राके आठो पहेरिया मोरे ही गुण गातेट्ठे - भा गयी का कोई सौतन ओका, मोरा कछु भाबत नाही - मोरा पिया मोहसे बोलत नाही...
You know bossie, I often scold myself these days. Call myself an idiot. At the age of 28, I fell in love with you like a teenager and wasted every prospect of a normal future. At 28 I was still pretty, and more welcome in the flesh market called arranged marriage (ohh these days they have this tendency in India to take any comment to a personal level and initiate a legal procedure - so Disclaimer: Purely personal opinion - no intention to hurt anyone's tradition or belief) - but then you can't explain these things to one who hasn't known love. Who will ever know the magic that love is, bossie. I am one lucky girl who knows exactly how it feels. To sink in a warm comforting dream like bubble. With you "love" was rather perfunctory, it was more a dream. But with my Boo, it was so so real. Believe me or not, the magic of our first kiss still lingers, and so does our last kiss. It happened just 5 months back, and by the 6th month he'd have chosen someone from the same flesh market and perpetuated the social bond. As our bond was only emotional, it is now non existent. Since I don't find a place in that market, in this viable die-able age, I am a misfit, a loser probably. I don't have a boyfriend, or a so called relationship - so Valentine's day is not meant for me.
But आप हो ...Andy भी है ...Boo Boo तोह है ही...I am not lonely, lovelorn - may be, but still very much in love, with people who didn't value love as much as I did. I remember all of you...I miss all of you....I dread the fact that yet another 29th November is soon going to come - and I have nowhere to run...no way to save myself...only because nobody else thinks the way I do, no one else is as foolish as I am...and over that I am a fighter, I don't ever show my back, I take the stab with my head held high.
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