Today's one of those strange days when I don't like anything. Nothing. A time when one is splurged with colors yet looks drained. It had all began from a certain moment yesterday evening. The work was finally over. He came, and for one tiny while I had this premonition, that may be something is going to happen. Some words...some actions...but alas...he just gathered his things and left, without saying bye.
I felt weary. Wrapping up my work, I too left. And then all the dreariness returned. For a couple of days, I never felt that pain of a mundane aimless existence. There was a lot of hurt, sudden pangs of emotion, I had to adapt a lot, but then, above all else, there was "YOU" to look forward to. YOU - sitting near me, talking to me, your perfume, the same familiar expressions, the once so dear and now so rare "you know what", and the detachment as well - the detachment in things which were un thought of earlier - us eating lunch separately, us flinching at a single accidental touch, you offering to drop me home and me denying - thus we going home separately. At times I'd be stricken with violent anger, at times a flood of pity and a surge of love...MY Boo Boo after all...after everything....MY Boo Boo...
Today, it is all over. I had been stopping myself from wearing the dresses I had been thinking of wearing, till yesterday...would put on jeans and trousers and tops in a vow not to get decked up - I don't want to look good for him - for a man who has abandoned me. My mind would pine away to put some kajal in my eyes, wear some salwar suit he liked, some bangles he once said...looks good on me. And I'd come in the plainest of clothing, in protest to my heart's desires. Idiot girl, don't you have some dignity? Today, I dressed up the tired me in the brightness of what I had worn on our first so-called anniversary day. Today it had no meaning. Today he came in the t-shirt that was once so so dear to him, the one gifted by me, the one, I'd thought he'd never wear again. I guess, that too doesn't have any meaning...
As I said, dear God, I won't complain about anything now. When we meet, we shall talk this over...and till then, thanks for this time I had...beggars cannot be choosers, right?
I felt weary. Wrapping up my work, I too left. And then all the dreariness returned. For a couple of days, I never felt that pain of a mundane aimless existence. There was a lot of hurt, sudden pangs of emotion, I had to adapt a lot, but then, above all else, there was "YOU" to look forward to. YOU - sitting near me, talking to me, your perfume, the same familiar expressions, the once so dear and now so rare "you know what", and the detachment as well - the detachment in things which were un thought of earlier - us eating lunch separately, us flinching at a single accidental touch, you offering to drop me home and me denying - thus we going home separately. At times I'd be stricken with violent anger, at times a flood of pity and a surge of love...MY Boo Boo after all...after everything....MY Boo Boo...
Today, it is all over. I had been stopping myself from wearing the dresses I had been thinking of wearing, till yesterday...would put on jeans and trousers and tops in a vow not to get decked up - I don't want to look good for him - for a man who has abandoned me. My mind would pine away to put some kajal in my eyes, wear some salwar suit he liked, some bangles he once said...looks good on me. And I'd come in the plainest of clothing, in protest to my heart's desires. Idiot girl, don't you have some dignity? Today, I dressed up the tired me in the brightness of what I had worn on our first so-called anniversary day. Today it had no meaning. Today he came in the t-shirt that was once so so dear to him, the one gifted by me, the one, I'd thought he'd never wear again. I guess, that too doesn't have any meaning...
As I said, dear God, I won't complain about anything now. When we meet, we shall talk this over...and till then, thanks for this time I had...beggars cannot be choosers, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment