Today I won't sleep. In fact I shouldn't sleep. It is a rare freedom day. I am free. From my "so called" job. It is a contract job, and I'm kinda free from it as the contract expired yesterday. "Kinda" because, my "so called" bosses expect me to phrase my own extension letter, get a print out in the project letter head, and get it signed by them. And I have decided not to do that.
What do I want to do man? I want to do some work...I can't sit idle. I want to have a workplace where I am treated with dignity. Once in a while these guys forget the fact that I'm not their God forsaken student or research fellow. I manage their project, and they have no right to boss over me or speak audaciously. Oh the self pity of being treated like a glorified clerk after having 3 professional degrees...
My work is the only thing that stops me from dying. Else I'd be dead by now in this rotten rotten world. Loathing the things that never should have happened, worrying about what might happen next, I'd have simply died. Oh the effort and the torture, to find happiness that is playing hide and seek...
At times I feel very empty. A hollow, conceited girl. Who's very precious to herself. Who loves herself, and forgives people and still expects good things from God. But who doesn't care to dream anymore. But that's not me. Very much like me, but not me...I'm still a fighter, but the fight bores me...
I want to travel, go back to my corporate life, may be...may be. I want to read my books, I anyways get plenty of time for that. I want to maintain my beauty routine, well I am doing that better than ever. I want to be the best, but what is being the best? Being shown on TV (CNBC TV18/NDTV Profit) discussing your company's revenues? I'm by far the best in my project anyways...then what is it that I want?
A husband, a kid? And then, 20 years of non stop excitement with my family, and then? Some more life, at least for the next 20 years? Not having to struggle to find a reason to live?
To get rid of my fears, to be able to confidently drive my car (get rid of that wretched driver?)...To watch my movies? To listen to my songs, way I loved "mitwa" today? Or "piya na rahe mann basiya" the other day?
One thing I simply love is to feed my doggies and talk with them. I love my old memories too...they make me happy only...
I wish I'd have a friend, preferably from the opposite sex. I guess that's all I want. A good guy...not a husband...just a friend...who cares to talk to me, and understands my pulse (leaves me alone as and when required, i.e. if he doesn't need me badly right then)...
Sigh! Goodnight!
What do I want to do man? I want to do some work...I can't sit idle. I want to have a workplace where I am treated with dignity. Once in a while these guys forget the fact that I'm not their God forsaken student or research fellow. I manage their project, and they have no right to boss over me or speak audaciously. Oh the self pity of being treated like a glorified clerk after having 3 professional degrees...
My work is the only thing that stops me from dying. Else I'd be dead by now in this rotten rotten world. Loathing the things that never should have happened, worrying about what might happen next, I'd have simply died. Oh the effort and the torture, to find happiness that is playing hide and seek...
At times I feel very empty. A hollow, conceited girl. Who's very precious to herself. Who loves herself, and forgives people and still expects good things from God. But who doesn't care to dream anymore. But that's not me. Very much like me, but not me...I'm still a fighter, but the fight bores me...
I want to travel, go back to my corporate life, may be...may be. I want to read my books, I anyways get plenty of time for that. I want to maintain my beauty routine, well I am doing that better than ever. I want to be the best, but what is being the best? Being shown on TV (CNBC TV18/NDTV Profit) discussing your company's revenues? I'm by far the best in my project anyways...then what is it that I want?
A husband, a kid? And then, 20 years of non stop excitement with my family, and then? Some more life, at least for the next 20 years? Not having to struggle to find a reason to live?
To get rid of my fears, to be able to confidently drive my car (get rid of that wretched driver?)...To watch my movies? To listen to my songs, way I loved "mitwa" today? Or "piya na rahe mann basiya" the other day?
One thing I simply love is to feed my doggies and talk with them. I love my old memories too...they make me happy only...
I wish I'd have a friend, preferably from the opposite sex. I guess that's all I want. A good guy...not a husband...just a friend...who cares to talk to me, and understands my pulse (leaves me alone as and when required, i.e. if he doesn't need me badly right then)...
Sigh! Goodnight!
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