The darkness...

I am tired of death...period.

Above all else, I can't take the death of my doggies. And today Kalo died. Just like that. He has not been eating properly for quite a few days. We thought that the summer heat is bothering him, now that it has finally rained, he'd start eating. He came this morning, drank some water, and then dragged himself just outside our house premises, and simply died.

So good bye sweetheart, and I guess I shall stop loving...people, dogs, everyone...

I wonder what God wants to achieve through this? Train me, about losses and death? About minimizing expectations? About always being fearful and speculative about what worse might happen on a particular day? I don't know...

Dear God, I know that death is the ultimate truth. Please don't kill my little doggies to prove that. They are yet to see life. Please spare them...let them enjoy the usual events of life, all the seasons, and then call them back when time is ripe...for them. Please please give the rest of them a healthy life to live...I'm tired.

I got tired of my friend too...I don't want to comment on his attitude, may be it is not in my good taste to show off my care beyond what I have already done. I'd rather kill the care and concern I feel for him and stay aloof, no one knows more that me the worthlessness of unwanted affection.

The city of Kolkata is suffering from the psycho skeleton crisis. The characters in the story seemed to have lost direction in life. I wonder if I am in the same situation...am I a psycho too? No, I guess not. I prefer life, not death. Once my doggies die, I wish they get a decent burial/cremation (the sweeper comes twice or thrice per week at our place - the great Kolkata Metropolitan Corporation you know) as soon as they die. My poor baby, he just died like that...I'm really happy at times that I don't have a Rupai to worry about...stay happy in your afterlife, dear...be the ever-hungry, vigorous and vivacious doggy you have always been...love you lots...