Saturday, September 6, 2014

All that happened this week...

I am addicted to Highway. It has been close to a week since I watched it for the first time. A single day hasn’t passed since then, when I haven’t watched bits and pieces of the movie or at least listened to the songs. I had this long discussion with my brother about his view on Imtiaz Ali movies, coaxed him to watch Highway, and kept raving about the acting prowess of the hero, who my brother had always been praising, but I never paid heed, given the kind of movies he has been cast in were never my cup of tea. I even requested dad to watch the movie and made him listen to the songs, though I am not very sure how comfortable I’d be watching it with dad beside me – you see, it has become an intimate dream like thing to me, it reflects too much of the kind of person I am, the kind of thought process I have – it is difficult to share such things with one’s dad, isn’t it? I am so glad about the music too, this is the A R Rahman I have always loved. You can see glimpses of his old self in the other recent movies (Slumdog Millionaire and Ranjhnaa included), but this is the real him. Music you just can’t stop listening to. Music that keeps coming back to your mind, you find a moment’s respite and you feel, now is the time, let’s play it once again.

You know, there is this reflection test I often do. Look at myself from inside a mirror, and try to judge how I am doing. It has been quite a while that the usual features have been missing. I don’t look sad, I don’t have tears in my eyes. I do have this double chin which I hate, also the way my hair looks dull most of the time, but then that’s mostly because I don’t groom myself well. Otherwise my reflection tells me, that things are quite alright. I really can’t believe that I have been able to move on, after all that happened in the last two years. Those things don’t seem to affect me anymore. My friend’s husband pinged me and asked me how things were. I responded pretty naturally that I was upset they didn’t care to inform me that they are reuniting, and told him clearly that though I miss his wife at times, I don’t want to call her and re-establish the friendship. A friend decided to councel me on "love is not the ony thing", which, though I felt strange, I managed not to feel bad about. I have learnt to take things easy, I guess.

But that doesn’t mean there’s any end to my worries. The downward track my career has taken (at least salary wise, and that is the most important metric for your career this days) is the biggest of my worries. Everything is good about my job, I have the requisite time for myself and my family, and I have a young and obedient team, but then university environment is such, that you need to be submissive (to the professors). I don’t like that. Then there is no career growth prospect. Though recently I have been asked to take classes as well (for a post graduate diploma course on basic computing, where I have been given the liberty to design the course content and structure too), that really doesn’t boost up my morale to a great extent. I still earn a fraction of my earlier salary, and the modest cash inflow infuriates me. Owing to this, I have successfully screwed things up for Monday. I have a class to take in the first half, and an interview to attend in the second half. Given the Kolkata traffic condition these days, it is really going to be hectic, and I have kind of brought it on myself. I am not sure about what to wear (formal enough for a teacher as well as an interview candidate), I wonder how the interview would go (it is on a technology that I know nothing about, and that’s a relief because it is going to be impromptu), I have to plan the travel between all the three places (my department, the department where I am taking the class, and the interview venue), I have to take print out of my resume and the call letter (which the lazy me did not do today), and on top of this, I have to prepare for the class, make a ppt perhaps, and get tickets for at least one of Mardaani and বুনো হাঁস, if not both, and book the car also in between, and ya, discuss about a faithful driver whom I can employ. Wait, it doesn’t end there. I have to follow up on the latest consumer complaint (ICICI) that includes escalating the issue and raising it on consumer forums, and get a new cupboard for my clothes (I discovered a lizard today in the suitcase where I keep my regular wear things). Oh, and I need to prepare a financial report for my project also (though I have been very lazy at work this week, but let us do this in advance to make up for my unavailability on Monday - you see, I am this prim, conscientious girl :P). God, who wanted to have this hectic a life?

I met the banker guy a couple of days back, while I was walking back home in the evening. He politely asked me, “Madam, doing good?” I looked up and couldn’t recognize him, gave a curt reply, “Ya…” Later his identity dawned on me. Imagine a prospective groom calling me madam. See, Indians don’t know French, so don’t even expect mademoiselle from them. That’s not what I tried to imply. I am sighing about the kind of guys I meet – they are not even socially at par with me. And I dream of a husband who’d boss  over me and command me around…(may be that’s why I loved the Highway hero so much, I want a husband like that, very rough on the outside, and warm as honey at heart…)


I did get a "Happy Teachers' Day" wish from the only student who still keeps in touch. Even more worry is to follow if I manage to bag the job for which I have the interview on Monday. Do I leave my safe reclusive life at the university (and probably more teachers' day wishes in the coming years) and get back to the corporate world? Man proposes and God disposes, so let’s not discuss things till they have happened…

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