I am addicted to Highway. It has been close to a week since
I watched it for the first time. A single day hasn’t passed since then, when I
haven’t watched bits and pieces of the movie or at least listened to the songs.
I had this long discussion with my brother about his view on Imtiaz Ali movies,
coaxed him to watch Highway, and kept raving about the acting prowess of the
hero, who my brother had always been praising, but I never paid heed, given the
kind of movies he has been cast in were never my cup of tea. I even requested
dad to watch the movie and made him listen to the songs, though I am not very
sure how comfortable I’d be watching it with dad beside me – you see, it has
become an intimate dream like thing to me, it reflects too much of the kind of
person I am, the kind of thought process I have – it is difficult to share such
things with one’s dad, isn’t it? I am so glad about the music too, this is the
A R Rahman I have always loved. You can see glimpses of his old self in the
other recent movies (Slumdog Millionaire and Ranjhnaa included), but this is
the real him. Music you just can’t stop listening to. Music that keeps coming
back to your mind, you find a moment’s respite and you feel, now is the time,
let’s play it once again.
You know, there is this reflection test I often do. Look at
myself from inside a mirror, and try to judge how I am doing. It has been quite
a while that the usual features have been missing. I don’t look sad, I don’t
have tears in my eyes. I do have this double chin which I hate, also the way my
hair looks dull most of the time, but then that’s mostly because I don’t groom
myself well. Otherwise my reflection tells me, that things are quite alright. I
really can’t believe that I have been able to move on, after all that happened
in the last two years. Those things don’t seem to affect me anymore. My friend’s
husband pinged me and asked me how things were. I responded pretty naturally
that I was upset they didn’t care to inform me that they are reuniting, and
told him clearly that though I miss his wife at times, I don’t want to call her
and re-establish the friendship. A friend decided to councel me on "love is not the ony thing", which, though I felt strange, I managed not to feel bad about. I have learnt to take things easy, I guess.
But that doesn’t mean there’s any end to my worries. The
downward track my career has taken (at least salary wise, and that is the most
important metric for your career this days) is the biggest of my worries.
Everything is good about my job, I have the requisite time for myself and my
family, and I have a young and obedient team, but then university environment
is such, that you need to be submissive (to the professors). I don’t like that.
Then there is no career growth prospect. Though recently I have been asked to
take classes as well (for a post graduate diploma course on basic computing,
where I have been given the liberty to design the course content and structure
too), that really doesn’t boost up my morale to a great extent. I still earn a
fraction of my earlier salary, and the modest cash inflow infuriates me. Owing
to this, I have successfully screwed things up for Monday. I have a class to
take in the first half, and an interview to attend in the second half. Given
the Kolkata traffic condition these days, it is really going to be hectic, and
I have kind of brought it on myself. I am not sure about what to wear (formal
enough for a teacher as well as an interview candidate), I wonder how the
interview would go (it is on a technology that I know nothing about, and that’s
a relief because it is going to be impromptu), I have to plan the travel
between all the three places (my department, the department where I am taking
the class, and the interview venue), I have to take print out of my resume and
the call letter (which the lazy me did not do today), and on top of this, I
have to prepare for the class, make a ppt perhaps, and get tickets for at least
one of Mardaani and বুনো হাঁস, if not both, and book the car also in between,
and ya, discuss about a faithful driver whom I can employ. Wait, it doesn’t end
there. I have to follow up on the latest consumer complaint (ICICI) that includes escalating the issue and raising it on consumer forums, and get a new cupboard for my clothes (I discovered a lizard today in the suitcase where I keep my regular wear things). Oh, and I need to prepare a financial report for my project also (though I have been very lazy at work this week, but let us do this in advance to make up for my unavailability on Monday - you see, I am this prim, conscientious girl :P). God, who
wanted to have this hectic a life?
I met the banker guy a couple of days back, while I was
walking back home in the evening. He politely asked me, “Madam, doing good?” I
looked up and couldn’t recognize him, gave a curt reply, “Ya…” Later his
identity dawned on me. Imagine a prospective groom calling me madam. See,
Indians don’t know French, so don’t even expect mademoiselle from them. That’s
not what I tried to imply. I am sighing about the kind of guys I meet – they are
not even socially at par with me. And I dream of a husband who’d boss over me and command me around…(may be that’s
why I loved the Highway hero so much, I want a husband like that, very rough on
the outside, and warm as honey at heart…)
I did get a "Happy Teachers' Day" wish from the only student who still keeps in touch. Even more worry is to follow if I manage to bag the job for which I have the interview on Monday. Do I leave my safe reclusive life at the university (and probably more teachers' day wishes in the coming years) and get back to the corporate world? Man proposes and God disposes, so let’s not discuss things till they have happened…
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