If I don't do something soon to quell my rising anger about everything that happens in my life that are not up to my liking, I will soon die out of high blood pressure. Kolkata is a place for lazy, irresponsible people, the university more so. And I cannot change that. Period.
I see all types of characters here. The professors who won't see their own mistakes. Smoking in public is an offence by Indian law, but here some other law works. More disturbing is the tendency to accuse people. Like, the other day, I was accused of withholding money that is due to the suppliers. Trust me, I don't have a single project check book in my possession. As for signing on their bills that the hardware has been delivered and software installed, how do I do that if I don't have a dedicated lab for my project (I have been given a hell of a dirty room devoid of an AC or electrical fittings and full of old dusty furniture, an absolutely unnecessary wash basin with a sooty mug inside it - and I am supposed to keep iMac machines there. And you see, this is the state of affairs when the project is supposed to be in its second year). Pat comes the answer. Oh, you can get the machines installed in the unoccupied lab in 1st floor, I have been always telling you that (“always” must have been lost in a time pocket, because I seem to have never heard that). And who is supposed to carry the machines to the 3rd floor once the lab there is ready? Oh didn't you know, project management work here includes free coolie work too. One of the professors even suggested me to employ the folks who are working under me. Hello, I am from IT industry (pity that even she had similar kind of experience once which she has obviously forgotten all about) – we really don’t understand the concept of working “under” or “over”. We work “with” – at least the reasonable people do. And ya, neither are we habituated to people being shouted at, because of not vacating the department sharp at 6 PM and hence causing disruption to “part time work plans” (the support function person who has the keys needs to go out on time to attend to his part time work - which he is not supposed to do in the first place as per university employment rules).
I feel myself to be this incorrigible hypocrite when I agree to give a treat to this very same group. In fact, I have no grudges whatsoever regarding people I haven’t worked with yet, who just happen to be employed at the same department. But I hate to spend my hard earned money on undeserving people. Like I said, I don’t like anyone here except perhaps the lady professor I admire so much. I really have a good mind to tender my resignation and then share this article with her. I hope that she will understand and not criticize me any further. But then, you know what? The weakness lies in me as well. I can’t forgive wrong doings, and at the same time, I can’t forget good deeds either. I remember the day when I had the interview for this job. The very people in the support function who don’t care to do a single work I request them for now, were hovering in the interview room to get to know the result and inform me. The professor who shouted at me to hide his own fault had patted me on the cheek in a most fatherly way, as he informed that I have been selected. The other professor was more desperate than me to get me a job and kept assuring me all the time that even if this doesn't work out, she and her husband (who is a another big shot in the university) would surely get me selected somewhere else. May be the treat is to celebrate those good moments and not these sour ones.
The university senior who has been so helpful so far, seems to be in a strange state of mind. He almost seems to regret bringing me here. He is always telling me that he’s planning to leave this place. But at the same time he’d project this place to the new joinee as if this is heaven, whereas IT industry is hell where you learn nothing and become mechanical. Once again, my conscience didn't allow me to be harsh on him, given the favors he had done me when nobody else cared. Yet, how I wished I could tell him to jump out of the well for once. I am what I am because of 2 things – my school, and my work experience in the two IT MNCs. And I now realize what a oasis like place my school has been, in the midst of this desert like city where nobody cares to be competent. Thank God I went to a school that fully funded itself, I shudder to think what would have happened to me at any school run by the government.
The government. Sigh, and bigger sigh. Where is it all actually going? Of the 100% population in India, may be a mere 5 to 10% are politicians. And they are wrecking havoc in the lives of the rest 90-95% of us. Otherwise how can you explain anarchy to this extent. Particularly in this state of mine, which is soon going to be a mini Nigeria, if not to mention my adage of the Hitler driven Germany. People are being killed just like that, as they are walking on the road or talking over the phone in their own courtyard, or even when they are inside the house. Let’s just not bring up crime against women here, for that would make it look like we are in the prehistoric era, or perhaps that the human race is going the animal way. Criminals are shielded, they are not even charged or arrested, even when high court judges are crying foul play. Not only that, as (smelly) icing on the (rotten) cake, the chief minister shares the stage with these crooks. I think about the crime free cities I have lived in, Singapore, Prague, and just wish that commoners here get a taste of that too. But then, you see, they are terribly non ambitious, and behave like a herd, as in, they are always ready to be driven by the Pied Piper, not bothering to think over his/her actual intents. They are so willing to be part of the mob, and know nothing of the crisis it’d cause when it turns into the proverbial headless monster.
Where is the world going? Why are people not protesting about where the world is going. Why are they so engrossed with their own life? Or rather why don’t they simply have the guts to protest? You know, strange things keep troubling me. Way I am being harassed by Vodafone ever since that first issue I raised about them with Grahak Seva. They won’t apply my plans in time, won’t resolve my issues and instead bring up newer issues – almost as if they are taking revenge. Way, yesterday I bought this Slice bottle which neither had a batch number nor MRP inscribed anywhere on the bottle. Way, I just mentioned to dad about a bag lying under the table of a roadside hawker who was selling small purses – mentioning that it must have fallen down while people were checking out his wares, and as soon as I had spoken, I saw this lady(i.e. if I can call a prospective thief a lady) stop in her track and pick it up with a sly look on her face. Both me and dad obviously understood that she is planning to steal it, but she kept standing there with the bag in her hand, pretending to examine it, as long as we were there. There was no way we could accuse her, given her stand. So we just chose to walk on. These small things pain to an extreme extend – lack of conscience, goodwill and sincerity – as if all good things from the earth are going away. I really wish I could do something about this. Or does the problem lie with me? So many people can so easily turn a blind eye to all these things and continue to live happily...is it because I don't have my own family (by family I mean husband and kids, I guess I belong to my parent's family, that is not the family I own), I don't have any life to speak of, that is why I get all the time to worry about such things? I wish I could get an answer to these doubts.
I see all types of characters here. The professors who won't see their own mistakes. Smoking in public is an offence by Indian law, but here some other law works. More disturbing is the tendency to accuse people. Like, the other day, I was accused of withholding money that is due to the suppliers. Trust me, I don't have a single project check book in my possession. As for signing on their bills that the hardware has been delivered and software installed, how do I do that if I don't have a dedicated lab for my project (I have been given a hell of a dirty room devoid of an AC or electrical fittings and full of old dusty furniture, an absolutely unnecessary wash basin with a sooty mug inside it - and I am supposed to keep iMac machines there. And you see, this is the state of affairs when the project is supposed to be in its second year). Pat comes the answer. Oh, you can get the machines installed in the unoccupied lab in 1st floor, I have been always telling you that (“always” must have been lost in a time pocket, because I seem to have never heard that). And who is supposed to carry the machines to the 3rd floor once the lab there is ready? Oh didn't you know, project management work here includes free coolie work too. One of the professors even suggested me to employ the folks who are working under me. Hello, I am from IT industry (pity that even she had similar kind of experience once which she has obviously forgotten all about) – we really don’t understand the concept of working “under” or “over”. We work “with” – at least the reasonable people do. And ya, neither are we habituated to people being shouted at, because of not vacating the department sharp at 6 PM and hence causing disruption to “part time work plans” (the support function person who has the keys needs to go out on time to attend to his part time work - which he is not supposed to do in the first place as per university employment rules).
I feel myself to be this incorrigible hypocrite when I agree to give a treat to this very same group. In fact, I have no grudges whatsoever regarding people I haven’t worked with yet, who just happen to be employed at the same department. But I hate to spend my hard earned money on undeserving people. Like I said, I don’t like anyone here except perhaps the lady professor I admire so much. I really have a good mind to tender my resignation and then share this article with her. I hope that she will understand and not criticize me any further. But then, you know what? The weakness lies in me as well. I can’t forgive wrong doings, and at the same time, I can’t forget good deeds either. I remember the day when I had the interview for this job. The very people in the support function who don’t care to do a single work I request them for now, were hovering in the interview room to get to know the result and inform me. The professor who shouted at me to hide his own fault had patted me on the cheek in a most fatherly way, as he informed that I have been selected. The other professor was more desperate than me to get me a job and kept assuring me all the time that even if this doesn't work out, she and her husband (who is a another big shot in the university) would surely get me selected somewhere else. May be the treat is to celebrate those good moments and not these sour ones.
The university senior who has been so helpful so far, seems to be in a strange state of mind. He almost seems to regret bringing me here. He is always telling me that he’s planning to leave this place. But at the same time he’d project this place to the new joinee as if this is heaven, whereas IT industry is hell where you learn nothing and become mechanical. Once again, my conscience didn't allow me to be harsh on him, given the favors he had done me when nobody else cared. Yet, how I wished I could tell him to jump out of the well for once. I am what I am because of 2 things – my school, and my work experience in the two IT MNCs. And I now realize what a oasis like place my school has been, in the midst of this desert like city where nobody cares to be competent. Thank God I went to a school that fully funded itself, I shudder to think what would have happened to me at any school run by the government.
The government. Sigh, and bigger sigh. Where is it all actually going? Of the 100% population in India, may be a mere 5 to 10% are politicians. And they are wrecking havoc in the lives of the rest 90-95% of us. Otherwise how can you explain anarchy to this extent. Particularly in this state of mine, which is soon going to be a mini Nigeria, if not to mention my adage of the Hitler driven Germany. People are being killed just like that, as they are walking on the road or talking over the phone in their own courtyard, or even when they are inside the house. Let’s just not bring up crime against women here, for that would make it look like we are in the prehistoric era, or perhaps that the human race is going the animal way. Criminals are shielded, they are not even charged or arrested, even when high court judges are crying foul play. Not only that, as (smelly) icing on the (rotten) cake, the chief minister shares the stage with these crooks. I think about the crime free cities I have lived in, Singapore, Prague, and just wish that commoners here get a taste of that too. But then, you see, they are terribly non ambitious, and behave like a herd, as in, they are always ready to be driven by the Pied Piper, not bothering to think over his/her actual intents. They are so willing to be part of the mob, and know nothing of the crisis it’d cause when it turns into the proverbial headless monster.
Where is the world going? Why are people not protesting about where the world is going. Why are they so engrossed with their own life? Or rather why don’t they simply have the guts to protest? You know, strange things keep troubling me. Way I am being harassed by Vodafone ever since that first issue I raised about them with Grahak Seva. They won’t apply my plans in time, won’t resolve my issues and instead bring up newer issues – almost as if they are taking revenge. Way, yesterday I bought this Slice bottle which neither had a batch number nor MRP inscribed anywhere on the bottle. Way, I just mentioned to dad about a bag lying under the table of a roadside hawker who was selling small purses – mentioning that it must have fallen down while people were checking out his wares, and as soon as I had spoken, I saw this lady(i.e. if I can call a prospective thief a lady) stop in her track and pick it up with a sly look on her face. Both me and dad obviously understood that she is planning to steal it, but she kept standing there with the bag in her hand, pretending to examine it, as long as we were there. There was no way we could accuse her, given her stand. So we just chose to walk on. These small things pain to an extreme extend – lack of conscience, goodwill and sincerity – as if all good things from the earth are going away. I really wish I could do something about this. Or does the problem lie with me? So many people can so easily turn a blind eye to all these things and continue to live happily...is it because I don't have my own family (by family I mean husband and kids, I guess I belong to my parent's family, that is not the family I own), I don't have any life to speak of, that is why I get all the time to worry about such things? I wish I could get an answer to these doubts.
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