Silence

Ya, for once the chatterbox is at a complete loss of speech. Not only have I lost my ability to speak, I have lost my ability to express myself...even to think properly. I don't understand my own actions. I ask myself, is there anything I can do to help you...but only silence prevails. No reply. And I realize that this silence is what is left in life... from this day onwards, this is my destiny...this is what reigns supreme in my life. Questions, which used to come in my mind, don't come up anymore. They have understood long back their meaninglessness. Somethin keeps encouraging from within... she's trying, she's struggling every moment, isn't it so commendable that she's not giving up? But what the hell would have gone wrong if I actually gave up? Is this the only way to live? Just pretending to myself that there are reasons to live... that I needn't feel myself to be dead yet? God, what a liar I must be....I lie even to myself. What am I, I don't understand... If I don't want to stay back, why not just quit? Why this falsehood? Or am I really so greedy. Accept the truth honey, it's all over. And you were never special, nowhere, not in your personal life, neither in your work life. Ya, the truth remains that you are "bidhata-r srishti-r apobyay". And for God's sake don't fight anymore about it. Accept that you are ordinary, you are worthless, and you just don't deserve to be happy. And yes, ofcourse, you have no talent. Moni, even if he had loved you once upon a time, he would have hated this loser of a girl. And this day could have come 3 years back also, had he not been there. Babu, learn to live on your own. Stop killing yourself like this. With our limitations, we are fine. Please stop this NOW. It's over. The good days are gone. The not so bad days are also coming to an end. If you behave like this, you'll never be able to fight with the uncertainty. Give up, and start a new life...