Sugar...

If I do not capture these sparkling, awe inspiring moments of my life in words, that'd be the greatest crime done to love by mankind :)...I was a different me before I met him...and I am a transformed me when in his company...have you ever blushed? Have you ever found a cup of tea so musical? And someone's word so lyrical...and smile so magical? I don't know why life gives me such moments, which must have been rare on earth, since Adam and Eve's times, not a couple have been so happy together, at least not the girl in the couple. I find undefined happiness when by his side...I stammer, I become beet red upto my cheek, yet yet these are the moments which can make me overcome everything negative that has happened in my life or perhaps are yet to happen. And I am myself, talking aloud about my deafness...and telling him that I can hardly hear half of what he tells. I remember his words, a song is no song 'til you sing it....and it is for me, for whoever, I care a damn...Just wanted to let you know that I am singing....o what serenity music has...and what peace your mind feels when atlast you know...the man of your dreams is with you.

Spare one moment for only the two of us...

Where did those days of happiness fade away? Where did those moments go when very subtly you used to tell me that you care? All of a sudden all smile of my life seems to have faded away...the smile which you had brought....that day I was telling you na, they say that days of happiness are short and days of grief are long...but to me its one and the same. You asked me what I mean by this...the time I spend with you is happy or sad, and I replied that I don't know myself...that is one bitter truth of my life...when I had written here that I want you to avoid me, hate me....I never thought how much I will miss those fun filled days. Whom are you trying to adapt to that which is inevitable? Me or yourself? Should I think you are happy doing all these? For you were smiling away? Then who in the group smiles more than me? My never ending smile has become the topic of joke among everyone. But does that mean that I am happy? I feel you near my heart...what should I do...I don't like anything...I feel a strange aloofness from life...I just keep longing for you...and want nothing else. I can't live like this....can't take the pain anymore....Do whatever else, but don't ignore me like this...I just want to shout to the world that I love you. I want my family, our child. I want our love to get a culmination. Ohh my life why did I ever love you so much...why did I ever dream. Why did you fuel that dream?

Water water everywhere....

How was the tour? Simply put...it was not how I expected it to be...I really expected his love to come out in even more intensified way in the tour. Nothing of that sort happened. He was just neutral. I couldn't find any emotion in him. Or I couldn't read it? Don't want to debate on this...as I am tired of dreaming. What's the use of dreaming when no dream would ever come true.
I am really hurt with his behavior. Both of us know perfectly well that never can we give any conclusion to our love. So if for one day we could live like lovers what could have gone wrong? Just wanted to be in the sea with him. He was close to me, yet I couldn't touch him. He sent me off on jet ski with his friend. I just wanted to cling onto my darling and enjoy the speed. But anyways I enjoyed. I floated in the sea. I dreamt to the ultimate extent. A stupid girl and her stupid dreams. That we are like each other. In the way we prepare food, in the way we cared for the baby together...but u stupid girl, why would he atall care for you.

You know very well that I went to the tour for you. And you gave me the very minimum attention. I didn't feel bad at all, as all were so nice. But my romanticism was badly hurt. Very badly...

My Darling...where is life taking us?

I always wanted my husband to be older than me. Now that the blog is mine only, I can write anything that comes in my mind. Why did I pacify Anand and compelled him to stay back when he had decided to leave me? Because in my heart of hearts I knew that I am doing wrong by loving you? I am a committed lady? I couldn't stand this sin? I really don't know. May be the other reason was that Anand is my best friend, who has stayed by my side through thick and thin and I can't bear to see him unhappy. Also I couldn't bear to see my life so dark...I was scared.

But my darling, let's leave those things. Let's talk about the two of us. Me and you. And hw we have grown to share each other's life. I fall in love very easily. I know. But this was not one of those cases. I had wished something in my mind, and it came true. Can I not see howmuch hell bent you are on pleasing me? You are a man who really cares for me. Yesterday you proved that multiple number of times. Now its a mutual bond. We stay happy with each other. If I know you, this is the first weakness of your life. And you are the true love I have always been seeking for. Though you are younger than me, you are very much capable of husbanding me. You know my mind inside out already. You know how and in which way I shall stay happy. But what will happen of this love? We shall get separated in about a couple of months, you shall never come back, and I cannot accept you. That's the fate that's going to befall this relation. I know that very well. Why did you atall come to my life? I can never love anybody else. I can if you are rude to me, if you convince me that you don't love me at all, and its all my mistake. But why are you being so nice to me? I know you are very good at heart, you are kind to everybody, but so kind? I know bosses here, I am here for quite some time. No one would have actually done what you did for me that day. Whatever Saradindu had said about love....reflects from your actions. You show that you care, you tell your friends about me, you keep taking my name, you call me unnecessarily, weakness to the extent that you show can only be termed as love. Don't do this to this hapless girl please. You hate me, you remain aloof, I can tolerate that, but please don't love me, don't make my life even more difficult.

What a joke!

Now there's no doubt left. God gets pleasure in making a joke of me...and what a joke he made of me this time...my only support of life has given me the worst moments of my life. I wouldn't have cared a little bit if there were some truth in the reason for his hatred...but the things he said are totally totally wrong...how do I ever convince him about that. Let it be...it was very great indeed of God that He gave me some happiness and took away everything I had. God is not good to me....I have no complaint though....but when I look back I just regret about my relation, when did we give each other a single chance of being happy. Always misunderstood, always hurt each other. The man whom I gave everything doesn't even know what I am like...when I look at my future life I see only darkness...but that's not what pains me...it pains me when I see the darkness surrounding the two of us....were we that bad that God never showered light on us?

Towards oblivion!

I have been following my bliss. And seems like the bliss is leading me to oblivion. I am losing my stable relationship...which kept my little bit of hope of finally getting a happy married life, alive. How do I know whether you are the one? True that when I loved you I never kept any condition for this love to get any conclusion. Neither do I have any such intensions today. Only that some questions come to my mind. Why do I see you everywhere in front of my eyes? Why does it become so apparent to everyone that I am neglecting the most important people of my life because of you. Are we really that much close to each other or its all my imagination? Where would all these lead to? I never thought of asking these questions....but perhaps because of the blows I got from Anand yesterday, I am asking you these things. Is there any basis to my dreams. Even to the little extent that you are like me. You will try to cover up my small shortcomings and not highlight them? You will feel in your mind when I need you.....and give some response? Except Rito I have never found a single guy touch the core of my heart. Nobody understood me properly. What is it that binds you and me except our common interest in music and our togetherness, which is only temporary. When we go away from each other, what will be the things that might remind you of me, and me of you? To be a perfect pair, we do need to have several things in common...and our frequency should be in unison. After Anand I am scared, I know what misunderstanding can cause. Today I shall wait so long as you are awake, but you have to give me a sign that you too care for me. Otherwise I shall end this stupidity of mine from tomorrow. Let me die in seclusion, but I cannot worship a person whom my God hasn't created for me.

The first suffering of love

I know I hurt u today. But believe me when I tell you that I was feeling like a helpless baby. I slept in the train. And the first thing I did as I woke up...was to call u by name and say sorry. Since then I am waiting for you. When will you come online. I want to give you a name. A name by which only I shall call you. Do you know how much I love you? I am realizing it gradually. I guess God won't spare you as well, even you'd realize it. Let me sleep peacefully today. From tomorrow you will not find any agony on my face.

I want a small cosy home, in a very peaceful place. I don't want any grandeur in life. I don't need luxury either. I just need lots of love. I feel like crying in front of you. From tomorrow you shall not find any lack of respect. I am really sorry for today. I was fighting with myself, but my dear, there is really no need. I don't go down in your eyes if you realize that I love you.